🩸 American Trauma Bond: We weren’t connected by love. We were linked by the same pain.

Some of y’all not losing friends…You just finally stopped bleeding.

by Niki the Oracle (B.K.A. Tia Niki)

Some of y’all not losing friends…
You just finally stopped bleeding.

See, in America, pain is a love language.
It’s how people link up.
It’s the foundation of movements, friendships, marriages, even ministries, trauma.
Not vision.
Not purpose.
Just pain.

We ain’t building.
We trauma-twinning.

🔗 Survival Ain’t a Soul Tie

It starts with struggle:
“I went through that too, girl…”
“He did the same thing to me…”
“I been broke too. I know how it is…”

And next thing you know, you think it’s sisterhood.
You think it’s alignment.
But really? It’s just a shared scar with a side of silence.

They don’t see you.
They see their pain in you.
And that’s what they holding on to.

🧠 Healing Breaks the Pattern

When you finally catch your breath, when you start feeling joy without needing a recovery story behind it that’s when the bond starts shaking.

You stop trauma-dancing.
You stop trauma-talking.
You stop showing up for pain parties you ain’t RSVP’d for.

And what happens?
They call you “changed.”
They call you “distant.”
They say, “You think you better.”

Nah, baby. You just healed.
And they were never bonded to you, they were bonded to your brokenness.

👑 The Burden Black Women Carry

Now let’s talk about us.
Black women.

We were raised to believe that holding pain together is the same as being close.
That the more you endure, the more loyal you are.
That “strong” means silent, and “ride or die” means stay and suffer.

But that’s not community. That’s captivity.

We’ve been passing down this trauma inheritance, calling it culture, calling it sisterhood, calling it tradition.
But all it really is… is burnout in disguise.

We danced in the fire together for so long, we forgot we were burning.

✨ Exit the Bond, Enter the Truth

You don’t owe anyone your pain just to prove you’re still connected.

If the bond breaks when you’re no longer suffering, it was never a bond.
It was a cage.

Release it.
With no resentment. No rage. Just truth.

Because there are bonds out there waiting for you, built in peace, not pain.
In joy, not judgment.
In purpose, not pity.

Let go of the trauma bond. Make space for the truth bond.
You ain’t leaving folks behind.
You’re just choosing not to bleed together anymore.