Exporting American Damage

The Prejudice We Pack in Our Suitcases

Reader's Note:

Family,

This one is tender. It’s a truth we usually whisper to ourselves, if we acknowledge it at all. I’ve been transparent about leaving America physically, but now we go deeper. Today, we’re talking about the mental and emotional baggage the prejudices, fears, and assumptions that America quietly packs into our subconscious and that we unknowingly carry across borders. This isn't about pointing fingers outward; it's about courageously holding up the mirror.

I recently experienced my own uncomfortable moment of truth. I met my newest renters, white Americans from Texas. Before knowing them, I reacted out of conditioning, old wounds, and quiet prejudices I thought I had left behind. But then I saw clearly how deeply America had impacted my psyche, long after I thought I was free.

This piece is about the shadows we must acknowledge to step fully into the light. It’s raw, it’s real, and it's essential reading. Let’s talk about the residue of America we still carry, so we can finally let it go.

With love, clarity, and courage,
Niki

Opening Reflection: America Unpacked

When I decided to rent my home, I was crystal clear: no Americans, no dogs. It was a simple request, I thought a boundary drawn from experience and self-protection. But life has a poetic way of challenging our boundaries. I ended up with both: Americans from Texas with dogs. Before even meeting them, my mind conjured every possible worst-case scenario.

I was annoyed. Irritated. Disappointed, even. But beneath those feelings, something else stirred an unsettling realization.

I was being prejudiced. And it wasn’t subtle.

My discomfort wasn’t about these specific people. It was about what they symbolized: America. Whiteness. Texas. All bundled into a preconceived package.

Moment of Clarity: When Mirrors Speak

I finally met these Texans face-to-face. Immediately, I was hit with cognitive dissonance. They were nice genuinely kind, respectful, thoughtful. Within days, they began improving my home: repairs that would’ve otherwise cost me money, time, and peace of mind. They volunteered to install an electric gate, upgrade small details around the house, and care for the property with a level of thoughtfulness and diligence I hadn’t anticipated.

It was a humbling realization. I stood there, witnessing my prejudice dissolve in real-time, replaced by gratitude. And it forced me to ask myself a difficult but necessary question:

"How much American baggage am I still carrying, even as I guide others to leave theirs behind?"

America’s Psychological Imprint: What We Bring With Us

America doesn’t simply shape you it imprints you. Growing up Black, female, and Gen X in the U.S. wasn’t just an experience; it was survival training. It embedded a guardedness deep into my bones. I learned early on to anticipate harm, injustice, and betrayal often as protection. And while physically leaving the U.S. felt like freedom, I hadn’t realized how deeply I had internalized the prejudices, fears, and guardedness of my upbringing.

It’s no secret: racism and prejudice often provoke defensive mirrors. But mirrors can distort as easily as they reflect. My own judgment against these Americans came from a place of pain. A place conditioned by America's racial history, societal tensions, and my own lived experiences. And it showed me vividly how damaging that conditioning could be even when it was me holding the bias.

The Surprise Gift: Gratitude & Growth

Life, thankfully, always has more nuance than our assumptions. These renters, these symbolic representatives of everything I wanted to avoid, became teachers. Through their kindness, they offered me something precious a chance to see clearly. They were never the caricature my mind had drawn. They were people good people who deserved my respect and openness.

Their kindness reminded me of a core truth: prejudice, however justified we think it is, always shrinks our world. Gratitude, however, expands it. These Texans didn’t just upgrade my home they upgraded my heart.

Shadow Work & Accountability

This isn't just a narrative, it's shadow work unfolding. Shadow work is confronting those parts of yourself you'd rather deny or bury. It’s about accountability, honesty, and humility. It’s about the courage to ask ourselves the uncomfortable questions:

• Where have I internalized the pain of America’s conditioning?

• How is that pain limiting my perception and my growth?

• Can I challenge these biases without shame, but with honesty and compassion?

Acknowledging our shadows isn't weakness it’s profound strength. It’s how we heal and elevate.

Invitation to Reflection

So here we are, family. This isn’t a confession it's an invitation. An invitation to step bravely into your own shadows, to acknowledge them without shame, and to release them with gratitude.

Ask yourself:
"What prejudices am I carrying? What pain am I projecting onto the world around me? What might be possible if I set those burdens down?"

Because freedom isn’t just leaving a place it’s leaving behind the invisible chains that place wraps around your heart.

With love, growth, and ever-evolving truth,
Niki

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